I had a friend turn 30 today. She said she felt old. Not me. SHIT! I told her it only gets better from here. Personally, I can’t wait to get older so I can get more wise. Older I get the more I start to recognize all of these truths in disguise.
I felt like writing but couldn’t think of a subject. I figured i would write about being in love since this is what is usually on my mind anyway. My partner Tiffany and I don’t have a “cheesy” kind of love. We keep it as real as possible with each other. I met Tiffany in person for the first time on Easter Sunday 2004. We had already exchanged phone numbers and been “caking” on the phone by then for about a week. I had just gotten out of a horrible relationship and so had she. We were both in need a of a friend. For a few weeks that is exactly what we were to one another. As the weeks went by our bond grew stronger. About a month after we met in person we were in love. I don’t mean “puppy love” or “play love”. I mean she was my best friend and I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. Over the years we have had our ups and downs. But at the end of the day we are committed to each other and neither of us is going anywhere. We are in this life together, and it is us against the world. People are always asking us for relationship advice, and we never know what to say. I’m not sure how we have done it for so long. Main things I can think of is we don’t air our “dirty laundry”. Your friends and family will not forgive your lover as quickly as you will. No need to post your problems on twitter of facebook either. Also communication is key. We talk about EVERYTHING. I never disrespect her family and she does the same for me. I think the most special thing about our love for one another though is how grateful we both are to have the other in our lives. ok im tired of typing….peace and love
People see Tiffany and me and think that we have a perfect relationship, and want to know how to get that for themselves. While this is definately a huge compliment to our relationship, it is not accurate. I don’t beleive that there is a such thing as a “perfect” relationship, however there are some things about ours that I believe makes it work for us. We definately disagree and argue sometimes. And when we do have our bad times they can get UGLY. At the end of the day though I love her and she loves me. We have committed to each other that we will be open and honest about our feelings and do everything in our power to stay together. The truth is life happens and everyone won’t always be together forever. But we can try and just take it one day at a time. That is working well for us. We are working on our 8th year in our relationship and I can honestly say I love her more today than I ever have, and I know she feels the same. The biggest thing that I think some relationships are missing is a delagation of a “dominant” and a “submissive”. While these labels can be fun in another setting, I think that they are neccessary in everyday life of the relationship too. For example in our relationship Tiffany is the dominant person. That means that I submit to her. So if we are trying to make a decision and I disagree with her I give my opinion, but ultimately she makes the decision that is best for our household. This results in us not really having that many arguements. If there is an arguement, the submissive is usually the one that concedes. You may understand this to mean that the submissive must be weak. I disagree though, I think that as a submissive it takes more control and faith in the other person to trust that they will make the right decision. In addition to having a clear understanding of “dominant” and “submissive” I think that people expect their partners to fit a perfect definition of what they want instead of what your partner wants for themselves. When Tiffany and I got together I was an all out stud. Boxers, bald fade, baggy clothes, the whole nine yards. She loved me then and she still loves me now even though I am probably the most feminine person around us at any given time. Love should be unconditional. But more important than all the before mentioned things is TRUST. You have to trust your partner and they have to trust you. Without this your relationship will inevitably fail. With it you will grow together and there won’t ever be a topic that you don’t feel comfortable discussing. You will allow her/him to have their own set of friends and go on outings without you. This is the only true way to know if you can actually trust them anyway. Just because you are always with them and nothing ever happens doesn’t mean that you can trust them. Plus if you find that they are untrustworthy its probably time to break up anyway. So….that is what was on my mind, thanks for reading.
somebody is going to HELL for this!
I’m sitting at work waiting for my partner Tiffany to get off of work and I had the bright idea to go ahead and post my first blog. Then I thought, “what should my first topic be?”… So I have decided that my first topic will be about why we have decided not to have any children of our own. You need a little background I suppose. So here goes nothing. My partner and I have been together a little over 7 years. During this time she has become my absolute best friend. We both love kids, and have even looked into different ways of having them. We also love having freedom to do what ever we want, whenever we want to do it. We have lived in atleast ten cities in seven years and we are not sure that Dallas is actually our final city either. If we had kids our lives and priorities would be so different. I don’t want to give up my free time. I have a plethora of nieces and nephews whom I love very dearly and I spend alot of time with them. I don’t feel like I am losing anything by not having a baby come from my own body. We have both gone through those times where one of us changes our minds and decides that we actually do want to have children, but then we always come back to our senses. (lol) Some people tell us that our relationship will never really be whole if we don’t have kids or that we are missing out on the best part of being a woman if we don’t. I disagree. I love being a woman and lesbian. My relationship is definately whole, happy, and healthy. I feel that when you have kids you just add more responsibility to yourself. Not for 18 years either but forever. You will constantly have to worry about the kids safety, education, health etc. I’m just not interested. On the flip side of all of this though, I love my partner. If she ever said that she would like to have kids and she was serious about it, I’d give it a second thought because what is important to her is important to me. But I have my fingers crossed that that never happens!